Hey, Mollie, this is your blog speaking. How have you been? Wow, I sure have missed you here. I know that you're busy but I miss your stories. I miss hearing all about you and Craig and little Austin. And they told me that you are our expert in teaching the children about Christ since the you have the most experience with Sunday school for little kids. So I'm here waiting for all the fabulous ideas that I know you will be putting on your blog to share with everyone else. But until you're ready for that I just want you to remember that God loves you and so do all we.

Signed, your blog.

Thankless moments

Here it is 13 May and I'm trying to express the hurt I feel. Maybe I shouldn't say hurt, maybe I should say "I got my feelings hurt"! You're asking 'HOW?' Well first of all May 2 was my 57th birthday. YEA ME...For the last 57 years it's always been on May 2~! Go figure, my youngest son, age 34, the son who's daughter we are currently raising forgot my birthday..AGAIN! He thought it was after Mother's day. Now I'll go into Mother's Day! He called my cell phone, knowing that I normally don't have my cell phone on while I'm in the house. I can't hear it ring so normally I just have people, most everyone I know, call my home telephone number when they call me. Not my 34 yr. old son! He calls my cell phone, late on Mother's Day and leaves me a little message saying he had to work that day, but would be off Tue. He just wanted to call and say "Happy Mother's Day". He didn't try to call the house phone, nor did he try to call me back on Monday! Here I am raising his daughter that has all sorts of emotional problems, not that it's her fault, but he can't even remember my birthday nor Mother's Day and send a card for either? What sort of son did I raise I ask myself each day! I can't understand where his brain is..I'd like to say, but after all I try to keep my anger under control. I give up my time and health and all to raise this wonderful little girl that needs someone to always be there for her, and her stupid parents just take me for granite! I can't understand his thought process at all. He is living with his girlfriend, um I think they are engaged now, but when a wedding is going to happen, I have NO idea. I had to say something to him about just how I feel today when he called to speak to his daughter. I should have told him no more calls until he recognizes what he needs to do to be a real father. He thinks because he pays $200.00 a month in child support that is enough to do for his daughter. I keep reminding him I am not his x-wife, nor his x-girlfriend that made this child. I am his mother that took over his responsibilities of raising his daughter that he couldn't raise! He was the one that wanted me to tell the social workers in AZ that he couldn't lift his baby due to his bad back. I'm the one that has failed back surgery, not him. I'm the one with a permanent disability, not him. I draw SSDI, which is social security disability due to I was medically retired from my 20 year career! He works in a store like a game crazy store, where they sell video games, and all sorts of gaming equipment. He only makes about $7.50 an hour, and that is with a recent raise! He use to have an $11.00 hour job, but he quit that one due to he didn't like it! He really doesn't like to work I think, but that is only my opinion. His girlfriend, she is not the mother of his child OK..she is someone he met online on 'myspace'. They have been together for about 4 years now. But she has never had children of her own, and I'm sure at her age, as she's almost 40, doesn't want to start off with little children now. I tired to tell my son that he is suppose to do anything he can do to support his child. I had two full time jobs when I was raising my two sons. I was divorced and their dad only paid $300.00 a month for two kids, as I never went back to court and had it raised. BUT we aren't the parents of our granddaughter. The courts said we were her legal guardians, and the parents are suppose to support her every needs, not us. But we are the ones that do everything for her. It would be nice to have her dad just remember my birthday and of course mother's day. Do I sound harsh? If so,it is rightly so..but you know the Lord is watching over me and my granddaughter. He knows just how much it takes to raise a little girl who's parents just don't take up on their responsibilities as her parents. Her mother has 5 other kids, by 5 other men. She only has about one or two left in her home, as she farms out the older kids to her oldest brother to raise. He has the oldest sister of my granddaughter and the oldest brother of my granddaughter in his home, raising them both. They are 13 and 12 years old now. My granddaughter, Austin, has a sister that lives with her daddy in NV. Yes, one other daddy got involved and he went to court and took custody of his daughter to get her out of the mess the mother lives in. So we got legal guardianship of our granddaughter and then her mother has two smaller children in her home. Or at least I think that is where they were living last we heard. She sometimes lets her other brothers take care of her 4 yr. old son and 2 year old daughter. This way she can go and come as she pleases. She has not called my granddaughter since Oct. last year, 2008. She only called twice last year as it was. She has not made any effort to see my granddaughter for 5 years now. She has forgotten all about our little Austin. So like I tell Austin, we love her and we picked her special to come live with us and let us just love her so much. She is 'our little angel'. She does keep me on my toes, but you know, her dad is my son, and I just can't believe that I have a son that can't even come see his daughter each year, nor can he ever remember his own mother's birthday each year. I just let him have it today when I spoke to him. He kept making up excuses, but I told him he can talk himself blue in the face to me, it was all a bunch of excuses. I have been telling him for years now, as he use to be in the Marine Corps, to save $5.00 a month aside for his daughter. Now it is summer coming up and I need help with paying for Austin's day care during the summer, and he can't come up with any money. He doesn't have any savings at all. He said he was saving but spent the $350.00 on his truck, as he needs that for work. They have a new car and his 15 or so year old truck. He bought this junk piece of a truck when it was running like you know what. We tried to tell him it wasn't worth what they charged him, yet he wouldn't listen. Now I've told him and told him to just save a little back each month, it doesn't have to be much, $5.00 a month for years now for his daughter, and boom, he has not even tried to save for her. I ask him about her college money? He doesn't have any nor will he. I told him we don't ask him to pay us back for her private medical and dental insurance we have on her, nor do we ask him to pay for babysitters when we need to go out and do things. I told him I just had to fork out $30 for a sitter to go to a class that we needed and wanted to go to learning more about Austin's emotional illness that he had a hand in not caring for her as a little baby. This was for Austin's sake, if we had not had Austin, we would not have had to go to this class..but just to learn all we can on her emotional status, we have to and would like to go learn. We don't charge him for the times we have to put out money for her clothes, books, school supplies, lunches, food, medicine, medical/dental insurance, nor do we take him to court for his back child support money he owes us. The most he could do was help us out with getting her in day care for this summer. I've had to go to the state and get the paperwork for her to qualify for day care with SRS before. But now that he's paying that wonderful $200.00 a month for child support, he feels that is all he should fork out. That doesn't cover the lowest cost for day care. I really need to go back to SRS and see if she can qualify for anything else.I hate to beg, but you know, when you're on disability yourself, you have to do what you have to do to raise a child. My husband can't go back to work at his second job until he gets a doctor's release saying he can return to work without any restrictions. His leg/ankle pain is doing much better. He is on neurotin, which seems to be doing the job. He has bad back aches now, but he sees the neurologist doctor the end of this month. I hope and pray that his leg and ankle will be so much better and the pain stays away. When we both were sick at the same time, I had the infection in my leg while my husband couldn't move his other leg and foot, due to so much pain. He was in the hospital for it, yet I couldn't go in, as we have a little girl here that we have to raise. She would go nuts if we both were not home for her each day. I told my son, I can't even be sick, due to raising his daughter. He had told everyone two years ago when he flew up here that he was going to be moving up here..a LIE! He knew he and his fiancee'would never move up here to Wichita, KS. He lied to the school, to the church and to us. He can't see that is a lie, as he's not even tried to save money to come up here to see her at all. He said that the money he had saved went to fix his truck, a new radiator. Well that was $350.00, that doesn't seem to me he saved too long. He knows he didn't save that much. He had to not eat out or what ever it is they do, and took the money he had to pay a bill or whatever and fixed his truck up with that. I told him a savings account for his daughter shouldn't be used for anything except his daughter! I hate to talk to him like I have to, due to he is 34 years old. I told him that at his age he should have a career by now, and a life! He has none of the things a 34 year old man should have. He's not a teenager anymore, and he needs to grow up. He is selfish I think, and I hate feeling this way,but sometimes a mother just has to lay it all on the line and say it like it is. It is his daughter that is going to get hurt the most out of this. She has two parents that don't give one ioda about her. They don't visit or call on a regular basis. Her mom is more or less out of the picture. My son, her dad, he has only flown up here one time since we moved here in 2005, 4 years ago to see her. He calls when he can. Normally it was once a week, then it went down to maybe once every two weeks, now it is 'whenever'! His excuse is 'he's working'. I told him if he's working that much, he should have enough money to send for her day care. When we were on the telephone talking, he said his boss called and wanted him to call they back up. I told him that was a good time to start saving money for his daughter's needs. If they wanted him to come back to work on his day off, he should take that "extra" money, as if he had the day off he wouldn't have earned it, and put it aside for his daughter's use. He didn't see it that way until I mentioned it he said. If they had not called him to work on his day off, he wouldn't have had that money anyway to spend. So that is like "extra money" he can just put that amount or even half of that amount aside in a place he calls Austin's funds. I told him to go see the temporary agencies for a day job. If he works a whole day, he'd make close to $50.00 a day. If he worked only 4 days in a temp. job in one month, he could make the extra money up for her day care. As it is, she can't stay home with me all day. She and I get into arguments every day, morning until night time. It is one thing or the other. IF I say YES, she'll say NO, just to defy me. She wants to be the boss and grown-up all the time. If she'd just be a 7 year old kid. That is all I want her to be, not making decisions or worrying about anything else. I'd love to be 7 years old again I told her. I'd play, go to school, do my homework and everything my parents told me without an argument. She just lets that conversation blow over her head. You could talk to her about things all day, and she wouldn't care. She only wants it one way, her way! Duh, do you see a pattern here, daughter like father?? HUM, maybe! LOL...but anyway, I had to let off steam. I just can't get over that my own son can't remember my birthday nor try harder to call me on Mother's day. His excuse for calling my cell phone was that he somehow lost our home telephone number out of his cell phone. Go figure. I guess it just popped out by itself. If I'm home I normally don't have my cell phone on, or I can't hear it ringing. I expect people to call me on my home telephone first anyway. I tell everyone that, due to I know I can't hear my cell phone most of the time. If I'm out someplace and it's noisey, I don't always hear my cell phone. Like I told him, for the last 57 years, my birthday has always been on May 2! One week later, it's mother's day. Oh well..his birthday is coming up in Aug. we'll see.
My oldest son saved his last few minutes to give me a call on my birthday and Mother's day. He wanted to make sure I heard it from him. He even told his son, my 13year old grandson to make sure he called me and told me "Happy Mother's Day". Which my beautiful granson, Jesse, did call me. He was a day late, as it was Monday, but hey, he's a kid, grandson, and my 34 yr. old son, father of my granddaughter couldn't even call me on my birtday or Mother's day, or the day after Mother's day!
I should be greatful for what all I do have. I do have a husband that loves me dearly and a beautiful 7yr. old granddaughter that loves us both, enough to call us 'mommy' and 'daddy'. I have a 36 yr. old son that 'remembers' when my birthday is and Mother's day. Did I tell you my oldest son is in prison. yes, he's there for 2 more years. It's a long long story why, but he got convicted 6 years in prison. It could have been worse, but we are just thankful that he is alive and well and remembers to call his 'mom'. I have enough on my plate already, I shouldn't have to give up my entire 'old age' to raise a child that my son should be raising. The very least he could do is remember my birthday and keep calling until he reaches me on Mother's day or the day after. There isn't any reason that is good enough that he couldn't have called or tried to call me Monday, after Sunday's Mother's day. He is just lazy. I remember tho, I do love my children, and my beautiful, smart grandchildren so much. My wonderful husband, Craig, as he is like no other man. He is just absolutly wonderful and is a hard working man. After all, he is not the father to my sons, yet he took them into his life when he married me at age 27, and here my 34 year old son can't even provide for his daughter. My husband took on an entire family, me at 35 years old, my oldest son was 11 and my youngest son was 9 when we got married. My wonderful husband was only 27, yet took on the 'ready made family' as if it were his very own. He is taking on the responsibilities of raising Austin like she was "our" little girl. I do have a wonderful husband and Lord, thank you so much for making sure we met and got married. I couldn't have ask for a better partner as the one I have now, Craig. Thank you Lord for all you have given me and my family and all you will continue to give us.